A huge part of changing your mindset is learning to forgive and let go. If you have been through something in your personal life that is making unforgiveness and bitterness an issue, those feelings will show up in other places — and not in a good way.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that anything that happened to you was okay. Letting go of bitterness doesn’t make a situation less unfair. But it does mean that it’s over and not keeping you stuck any longer.
Think of a situation (or situations) in your life that you just can’t get over. What is it?
Have you made attempts to forgive and move on? How did those attempts go? What happened?
Perhaps you have forgiven, but are you still bitter? When this situation comes up, does it give you a sinking feeling in the pit of your belly? When you see certain things or people on social media, do you feel triggered? Do you still feel a little hot all over at the very mention of their names?
Let’s take a quick quiz, shall we?
1. Are you often jealous of the people around you who have what you don’t?
a) Yes, I want it all.
b) Nope, I’m too blessed to be stressed.
c) Sometimes, but isn’t that normal?
2. Are you easily irritated by happy people who seem to have it all?
a) Ugh. What are they so happy about anyway?
b) No, I’m pretty happy myself.
c) Mostly no, but certain happy people drive me nuts.
3. Do you criticize or gossip about people when they’re not around?
a) Only when someone is being annoying — which is always.
b) I try really hard not to.
c) Yes, but I never say anything I wouldn’t say to their faces.
4. Does it ever seem like a person or a group is out to take things from you?
a) They totally are, so yeah.
b) No. There’s enough for everyone.
c) In certain circumstances, yes.
5. Is it difficult to trust friends and family who try to treat you well?
a) Yes. If they’re being nice they probably have an ulterior motive.
b) No, they love me.
c) Mostly no, but certain people can’t be trusted.
6. Do you have trouble giving other people the benefit of the doubt when their words or actions are awkward?
a) No one gives me the benefit of the doubt, so why should I give it to anyone else?
b) No, I try to assume the best about everyone.
c) Depends on how well I know them, I guess.
7. Do you have a difficult time apologizing when you’re wrong, or congratulating and praising others when they do well?
a) Yes. I know what I’m supposed to do, but I just can’t get past my own feelings.
b) No, not at all.
c) Sometimes it’s more difficult than others, but usually no.
8. Are you pessimistic about good news or new opportunities, always looking for the catch?
a) My experience tells me that if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
b) No, I get excited and hopeful.
c) I try not to be, but a tiny part of me can’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop.
If you answered mostly As, bitterness is a big problem for you and it’s time to make like Queen Elsa and Let. It. Go.
If you answered mostly Bs, you are in the clear! You have forgiven and moved on.
And if you answered mostly Cs, it sounds like you’re dealing with a little bit of unforgiveness and bitterness, but you seem to be on the path to healing.
Regardless of how long you’ve held on to this situation, it’s got to go. God has so much more for you if you will just let go of that. My pastor once told me that the worst thing I can give my children is a grudge. Ouch! That really resonated with me. I want to teach them to forgive, let go, and move on by my example. So I have to check my heart continually for bitterness. And if you’re serious about getting unstuck and doing big things, you’ll need to check your heart continually too. You do have a choice. You can move on. The decision is yours.
The next time that thing you’ve been holding on to pops back up (because it will; that’s how bitterness works), say,
“I’ve forgiven [insert name here].”
Say it all day, over and over if you have to.
If someone else brings up the topic, change the subject.
If your thoughts start drifting that way, focus them on some of the good things God is doing in your life.
If you continually do this, I promise that eventually your situation will stop having such a strong hold over you. You will find freedom from it.
And friend?
This need for forgiveness also means forgiving yourself.
Some of you have made bad decisions, done things you aren’t proud of, hurt people, or [insert whatever thing you are ashamed of here]. And guess what? Me too. This is called being human. But if you’ve asked God to forgive you, it’s already done. So if God forgives you, and as a Christian your call is to be more like Him, why are you not forgiving yourself?
What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive?
Let’s get to it. Forgive. Let go. Because you have important work to do.
God needs you free to answer His calling for you.
Your spouse deserves you to be whole. Your kids need a healed mother. You deserve to get your headspace back so you can focus on what’s important. God is offering you a holy exchange — your pain for God’s plan. And that is one heck of a deal, my friend. Take it.
*
