The woman living a counterfeit life clings to the “extras” that fail to give her worth. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29–31).
The woman living a counterfeit life might not even consciously realize that she’s trusting in extra things, but they drive her. And she believes that if she achieves them, she’ll finally be worthy.
When I get married, I’ll be worthy.
When I get the degree after my name, I’ll be worthy.
When I get the house, I’ll be worthy.
When I lose the weight, I’ll be worthy.
When I get one hundred thousand followers, I’ll be worthy.
When I become a mom, I’ll be worthy.
Well, the devil is a liar. And this is one of his favorite deceptions. He convinces us that our value can somehow be achieved if we do this and don’t do that, get this, and lose that. And so we rush, strive, and live discontentedly, but in the end we’re still empty. When we pin our worth to any person, goal, achievement, we will never know our true value that is found only in God.
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The woman living a counterfeit life strives to please people rather than receiving the truth of who she is from God. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).
This woman doesn’t receive her identity from God. She isn’t in fellowship with those who are able to affirm who she really is in God, so she looks for validation from others. And because she’s not spending time with God, she hasn’t given Him room—and permission—to transform her mind and her life!
She might be stuck in a harmful relationship because she needs affirmation. She might even be holding on so tightly to her man, because she wants a husband, that she’ll ultimately delay God’s good plan for her because what she wants gets in the way. I sometimes say this woman thinks of herself as Jesus Junior. She thinks she’s sovereign.
She might be stubbornly bent on pursuing the path her family expects of her.
She might be driving herself into the ground in the name of serving others.
But because her ear isn’t turned toward God’s voice, she cannot be set free. She is much more willing to believe what the world says about her than what God says about her. She’s so busy trying to please others that she loses sight of trying to see things the way God does — by allowing Him to transform her mind. And she neglects to choose His way because she is trying to please others rather than recognizing that God’s way is best.
She fears that if she’s not pleasing others she will be abandoned. And, as a result, she never feels affirmed as the unique woman God made her to be. Not only does this woman ignore and reject the truth of who God made her to be, she spends time with those who also fail to affirm the truth of who she is. Pam, the people pleaser, is busy doing all sorts of good things for others. But as a pleaser, she seeks validation from others rather than from God. If she gets enough Likes on a social media post, she feels good. If there aren’t enough Likes, she feels as though she is worth less. And while Pam isn’t that girl who seeks out affection in clubs with strange men, she is in a relationship in which she compromises her moral standards to hold on to a man who she hopes will validate her.
Yet the appreciation of others, bringing snacks to every one of her daughter’s games, the comments on Instagram, the attention of the boyfriend who’s using her—it’s never enough to satisfy Pam.
Without the affirmation of her truest identity, which only God can provide, she continues to seek it from those who can never satisfy.
Prayer Prompt
God, show me the area of my life in which I care more about the opinions of others than I do about Your opinion of me.
